hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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