New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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