Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize