He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
