Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
