Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
