your parents love me but you hate me
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
