I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
