I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
