This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
