I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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