If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
