I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
