Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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