You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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