Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
