Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
