he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
