Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
