Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
