Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize