there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
