Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
