the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
