This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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