Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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