it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Me too!
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
