i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
no you cant smoke seaweed
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
