and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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