all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
