You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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