Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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