miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize