judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
