Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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