What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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