we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
