it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
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And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
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I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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