woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
