She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
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You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
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It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time