I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
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Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
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You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers