Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
did i walk over a car last night?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I need a beard to bite.