He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
