If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
