I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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