I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
