I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
