i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
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currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
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Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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