areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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