I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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