sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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