So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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