end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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