I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize