I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
