he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Randomize
