I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
