Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
