lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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