He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Randomize
