Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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