she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
