Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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