Where did you get a picture of my penis
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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