I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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