never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
