apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
