I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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