i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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