Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
