Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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