i can't believe i had my finger in that
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
