My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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