Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
