meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
