The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
