When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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