Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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