she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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