i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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