I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
