i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize