Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
